Missing work again

I didn’t go to work today either. This was not planned, but I just can’t face it or the people there. I’ve been feeling completely exhausted over the last couple of days, having a hard time concentrating. As the minutes ticked away, bringing me closer to the point where I would have to see people, deal with things, etc. I felt panic rising inside me. And it’s worse that I know this is crazy. If I lose my job, I’ll be destitute in a matter of a month or two. But I can’t bring myself to talk to anyone there.

I’m getting some weird effects in my vision. Everything seems very visually active. I can’t stop moving. Feel jittery. Doesn’t feel like there’s anywhere to turn. Worried, but completely unable to do anything about it. Want to die. Haven’t cut yet. Just want people to leave me alone forever.