More self-harm annoyances

So, a while ago I wrote about self harm not being that serious. I think I’ve worked out what annoys me about the visible face of self-harm, particularly – but not limited to – the sickeningly mawkish TWLOHA.

I was thinking for a while about the various myths that seem to pervade online self-harm forums, blogs and information sources; call it the online self-harm community if you want. Now, the majority of people who make up the online self-harm community are teenage girls and I’m not, nor have ever been, a teenage girl. But I did start self-harming as a teenager and I’ve known women who were those self-harming teenagers. And, for me, and I think for them, too, the mythology of self-harm just doesn’t ring true.

There’s this idea that self-harm is a hidden and secret thing that desperately needs to be de-stigmatised, that self-harmers are terribly misunderstood. I’m calling bullshit. Self-harm is so utterly common today that it’s damn near commonplace. Seriously, given the statistics, everyone knows someone who self-harms or used to. (And yes, if you’re a teenage girl, of course some people will say that you’re doing it for attention – these people are called bullies and bullies will use any weak point they can against vulnerable people. Education and ‘de-stigmatisation’ is not going to change that.)

But really, what annoys me about the way self-harm is presented by, the media, self-harm organisations and a large number of self-harmers, is the way that self-harm is presented as somehow special. That it’s in a different class to any other negative behaviour and should be thought of differently. It’s not. It’s not even an uncommon behaviour. Consider for a moment that if you’re using class A drugs (eg. serious opiates, cocaine, crack, etc) at age 15, you’re probably using them to cope with your problems. About as many 15 year old girls have used a class A drug in the last year as have self-harmed. The two populations probably overlap. The point is, both are negative behaviours (and some broad definitions of self-harm include drug use), but it’s really only the self-harmers who claim that their (our?) behaviour should be seen as uniquely tragic. And self-harm is much more often portrayed in the media that way than kids on drugs.

And this desperate and kind of pathetic need for acceptance and understanding by the whole fucking world also gets to me. That’s another side of self-harm’s claim of specialness. I mean, I don’t expect people to find my binge drinking and consequent inappropriate-yet-impossible-to-remember-behaviour anything other that annoying and kind of sad. I certainly don’t expect them to tread carefully around the issue for fear of disturbing my delicate emotional state. Why should it be any different for self-harm?