About
(updated 25th May 2008)
I’m a a 26 year old guy from England. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar disorder (type II) and also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder which hasn’t been diagnosed yet (possibly this is non-24-hour sleep-wake syndrome). I’ve self-injured for the last decade. I have lots and lots of scars.
I started this blog back in December 2006, after I went crazy. I turned up at casualty (North Americans! This is the UK equivalent to your ‘E.R.’) with some not-very-serious cuts. I was signed off work at the end of December and haven’t been back since. For the first year, the mental health services pretty much sucked. Things are lots better now, and I have a psychiatrist, am taking medication and have been in therapy for a while.
If you’re interested, the medications I’ve been on so far have been:
Prozac (fluoxetine) – Back when I was 18. Took it for a year. Made me feel very speedy for the first few weeks. Side effects included mild nausea and the frustrating inability to reach orgasm that all SSRI’s seem to induce. It didn’t actually seem to help very much.
Temazepam – For sleep and anxiety. I was initially prescribed a pitiful handful of these while I was waiting to see the first psychiatrist. I shamelessly abused them. I was prescribed them again by my current psychiatrist (in a more sensible quantity) to treat my sleep problems. I didn’t abuse them this time, but after a couple of weeks they seemed to lose all effect.
Zoloft (sertraline) – My first recent SSRI. I took it for a week. Horrible gastro-intestinal side effects. Horrible cognitive side effects. Horrible all round, really. Turned me into a gibbering, shaking wreck.
Celexa (citalopram) – My second SSRI. This was somewhat less awful than sertraline, but it induced rapid cycling, throwing me violently from euphoria to deep depression every few days, usually accompanied by self-harm. I was only on it for six weeks or so.
Valium (diazepem) – Intended to help with the ‘anxiety’ caused by the citalopram. Unfortunately, I ended up washing my last few down with several cans of beer, then slicing through my wrist, severing the palmaris longus tendon. I went to hospital the next day, got it repaired and spent the next month with a huge bandage on my wrist.
Seroquel (quetiapine) – Prescribed by my current psychiatrist after I was diagnosed with bipolar. I took it for a few months. It had some really weird side effects and initally caused massive sedation. It didn’t seem to do much for my mood and screwed up my sleep.
Lamictal (lamotrigine) – This is my current medication. As of writing, I’ve just moved up to 50mg (on the long climb to 200mg). I haven’t noticed any side effects at this dosage.
I also mention some friends and other people from time to time, though I’ve changed the names. The principal cast of characters are:
Rob: A close friend. I met him at university.
Julie: One of Rob’s closest friends. I went out with her for a couple of months a few years ago. It didn’t work out.
Rebecca: My most recent ex. We broke up nearly two years ago.
Mostly this blog is just me wittering on about myself in that self-obsessed way that bloggers have. Sometimes I write about things that aren’t me. I’m not particularly concerned with de-stigmatising mental illness (whatever that really means), nor educating anyone about it. I write this blog because it’s helpful (maybe even therapeutic), I have lots of free time, and I get to communicate with the interesting people who comment.
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1.
feartheseeds | March 6, 2007 at 12:05 pm
This might be worth adding to your blogroll. PJB’s a recovering cutter as well. She’s very funny in a weird childlike sweet kind of offbeat worth reading kind of way. I was a burner. My youngest sister’s a recovering cutter. I think I may have been an unintentional cutter… anyway. ExChimp, PJB. PJB, ExChimp. Hey, check it out, you’re both British. Why is it every blog I read sounds like John Lennon?
http://pinkjellybaby.wordpress.com/
2.
experimental chimp | March 6, 2007 at 12:46 pm
You’ve just got to imagine all the people as working class heroes. I’ve added her to my friend surfer (which WordPress mysteriously seem to have changed to the much less friendly-sounding ‘blog surfer’). People tend to hang around in my friend surfer for a while until I wonder why I haven’t added them to my blogroll.
3.
feartheseeds | July 2, 2007 at 2:46 am
Happy Canada Day… Whoo Hoo… Parrrrrtay.
4.
experimental chimp | July 2, 2007 at 4:55 pm
Dream of Canadification…
5.
beinghannah | July 8, 2007 at 10:58 am
Hi there, I live in Dublin and i suffer from Depression too, but dont lose hope, i could write a book about all the Meds and Psychiatrists ive been on. I have tried everything , some things worked some didnt, so if your interested in chatting about what i think helps, email me. viking_bright@yahoo.com
It took me from my 30’s to now to feel a bit better, not saying that everyones the same, but I feel there are lots of ways to short circuit the long depression times. Books helped me and Music too, by the way i like your quotes, What did you study in University, your bright and young, i studied Psycology and English. Hannah
6.
L.J. | July 16, 2007 at 12:40 am
It looks like it DID eat your comment. I think it’s doing that a lot, actually. The problem is, when I go to Akismet spam it just says that it’s blocked x-amount of spam messages and won’t let me actually look at any of them. Any suggestions?
-L.J.
7.
aikaterine | August 1, 2007 at 4:04 am
I did now know where to post this. But I finally got through the paper you posted and I am very impressed. She offers a fairly good solution to the problems with rights talk, at least for me. Not sure if that is what she intended to do.
In any case, thanks.
8.
aikaterine | August 5, 2007 at 1:53 pm
I want…
9.
aikaterine | August 5, 2007 at 1:54 pm
to rule…
10.
aikaterine | August 5, 2007 at 1:54 pm
your…
11.
aikaterine | August 5, 2007 at 1:55 pm
nav bar…
haha, I did it….
all aikaterine all the time
12.
experimental chimp | August 5, 2007 at 2:22 pm
Yeah, for all of an hour and a half…
13.
aikaterine | August 5, 2007 at 2:25 pm
It’s all about quality babe… I rocked your little blog world for the hour and a half that I was in control.
14.
feartheseeds | August 6, 2007 at 4:05 am
Hey, how come this blog is all sticky and musty… oh.
15.
aikaterine | August 6, 2007 at 2:17 pm
ew, fts you are yucky
16.
Alison | October 30, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Citalopram did the same to me…. as did several other AD’s!
17.
Izzy | November 18, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Perhaps I’m better off with ecitalopram. It seems to have been stripped of the tendon-slicing isomer.
18.
experimental chimp | November 18, 2007 at 8:11 pm
Izzy: I just don’t tolerate SSRI’s well, so pretty much any of them send me insane (though prozac was OK when I was 18). My brain’s weird, so you probably won’t be affected in that way. Just make sure your doctor actually listens to any severe side effects you get.
19.
anauistis | January 12, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Hiya! I found your blog from links on another one. I’m Bipolar and a self-harmer and have found the NHS to be absolutely useless! They try their best but I’m no better than I was years ago. Anyway, hope you don’t mind if I read a bit more of your blog.
Ana xx
20.
auralay | July 2, 2008 at 5:07 am
Ah. Someone else who shares the undiagnosed sleeping issues.
Care to commiserate?
-A
21.
Gabriel... | July 9, 2008 at 2:53 am
Operation Maple Chimp is back on… expect something next week.
22.
martin | August 19, 2008 at 12:31 pm
Thnaks very much for the stuff on Serenity (thats how I came to your site). I am glad I did – I know you are writing for yourself but it is good to read too!
Best wishes
Martin
23.
Pole to Polar: The Secret&hellip | September 30, 2008 at 8:46 pm
You are not on my blogroll and I have no idea why. Adding you now.
24.
Gabriel... | September 30, 2008 at 9:55 pm
…did you ever get the products I sent? Is there a need for a third operation?
25.
experimental chimp | October 1, 2008 at 1:22 am
Pole to Polar: Thanks!
Gabriel: Unfortunately no. I’m seriously starting to suspect that the postal workers are stealing it. Thanks for trying, though, You don’t have to send anything else – I’m kind of feeling guilty on behalf of the British Post Office.
26.
Gabriel... | October 1, 2008 at 2:57 am
There’s generally a three strike rule with stuff like this so… I’ll send you a photo of me handing the package to the postal person. It’ll give me a reason to get outside.
27.
Gabriel... | December 24, 2008 at 9:04 am
Merry Christmas James.