Hmmm you say you want to de-stigmatise mental illness, thats great. I just got diagnosed bi polar last year and now realise I have had this condition all my life. How i got passed all the experts in white coats is perhaps chance. I didnt admit myself to hospital i just realised something was going on and a doctor put me on the right track and i took it from there – GOOGL-ING is such a great tool. Now reflecting on things I am glad I wasnt diagnosed early on in my life, because i may have ended up with a stigmatised outlook and perhaps an otherwise outcome (scary). Of course i now realise there are a bunch of people out there that i can now recognise who are also in the same boat as me and they too are unaware of it – my partner included . Annie Lennox banged it on the head and said she felt the whole world were absolutely bonkers but just somehow knowing that made everything quite understandable – i agree.

While my self destructive separation and alienation of partner friends family and work peers work, home and assets did nothing to inspire me – I can now say after recovering within a short time, without drugs, by self education, and re-assessment of my behaviour and with the help of multiple literature on same, it has been very empowering and uplifting for me.

My now perspective is that its all about protocols of reason-ability, good intent and demeanor. I have had that naturally about me and done really well in life. I think if anything its now just a case of “awareness” that i can get too emotional and i can get too headstrong – but keeping level and positive is the thing to maintain – i couldnt see what my partner could see, and they couldnt see what i could see – we did try to be UNDERSTANDING – We probably can see better what we seemed to miss within the relationship especially now that we are out of it. Great thing hindsight. And it now makes perfect sense. Ive read everything from Jung to Freud and Rhine to Griffin.

The whole spectrum picture prompts a thought or two of my own about what its all about now. I like the new trend of trying to harness this energy we bi polar and autistic people have – “a mental wellness”. “Illness” seems so much like an expectancy principle so you would be stuffed from the beginning. My behavior as a renegade teen age destruction machine is quite forgivable in the end – and i can see that while i am not a teenager anymore (though i have the energy of one) i can forgive myself this emotional outburst gone wrong – and …… move on.

You dont sound cripple yourself James, if you can wip up a website, maintain it and keep us all interested – i think you are doing a far sight better than some people i know with bi polar – its bloody marvelous actually. I sense you have a dark aspect about you that girls may not swarm to – but i am sure you will figure that stuff out when you are ready.

Gabriel: Unfortunately no. I’m seriously starting to suspect that the postal workers are stealing it. Thanks for trying, though, You don’t have to send anything else – I’m kind of feeling guilty on behalf of the British Post Office.