Tuesday Evening

Well I don’t know how you take in all the shit you see
No don’t believe anyone and most of all
Don’t believe me
Believe you
Goddamn right it’s a beautiful day
Goddamn right it’s a beautiful day
    —Eels, Mr. E’s Beautiful Blues

It’s hard to get anything done when you wake up at six in the evening and slowly advance towards the typical daytime existence again, where you’ll stay for maybe two days before being swept away to a wake-up time of noon then beyond.

Rob turned up yesterday. It’s half-term and he’s taken the week off. I heard a knock at the door and my heart immediately began to beat like a bastard. My hands were shaking. I hid my unreasonable fear, which wore off fairly quickly after leaving the house. We went to town and had some food. I had a few drinks. It was nice to be out the house. I’ve been feeling better, anyway. I saw Eels’ third album, Daisies of the Galaxy on sale for a third the price I’ve ever seen it before, so I bought it.

Work still haven’t sent me my last three paychecks. We only have access to them through the intranet and I don’t have access to the intranet from home. I need them to apply for housing and council benefit now that I’m on SSP. I should have done this a couple of weeks ago, but I hadn’t felt well enough to even think about it.

I should have made an appointment with my GP. But I fell asleep before the surgery opened and woke as it closed. I need to get signed off for a while longer. I actually feel well enough to work now, but my psychiatrist agreed that diving back into sleep deprivation might be a bad idea.

Talking to my mum on Sunday, she told me she’d told my brother about my problems. He was interested in the sleep thing. He’s had problems with sleep himself apparently, though his are of the insomnia type. He doesn’t know how I managed so long with my problems. For that matter, neither do I. My neice, who’s almost four also has weird sleep problems. She wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to play, apparently.

No letters of referral yet. I’m not feeling as good today. Oh well.

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