June 11, 2007 at 1:03 pm 3 comments

This will possibly be the most boring post I’ve ever written. But good lord, my flat’s actually fairly clean now. I even cleaned off the nicotine stains from my monitor. Those things collect it like crazy – had I left it much longer, I’d have been able to chip it off in one big slab.

Dried toothpaste is weird. I had a tube in a rucksack that had got stacked under heavy things, causing something of a toothpaste explosion. It was Aquafresh, which has red and blue stripes, so it looked like some bizarre display of le patriotisme français. Chipped off quite easily and added a nice minty-fresh scent to the bag.

Last night’s pathetic attempt at sleep was absolutely awful. I was exhausted by the time I went to bed at four. It took me half and hour to drift off, but it wasn’t anything remotely close to proper sleep, though. My mind bobbed back to consciousness every twenty minutes. Stuck in the phase of hypnogogic thought, and never getting down to the proper purpose of getting some rest. By the time I actually started sleeping properly, it was 10am and time for me to get up.

Which may explain why I’m feeling just a bit hyper at the moment. I got up and cleaned more. I still have the kitchen area and the bathroom area to do, as well as sorting out my clothes, but the majority of the work is done. If I get the kitchen area done before this evening I may wander down to the supermarket and get food that requires more preparation that removing the wrapper. And see how much they’re charging for microwaves. I could probably manage to lug one back to my house.

The urge to say “Fuck it! I’m cured!” is strong and alluring and very wrong. But it’s nice to feel good about my life for once. Anyone want to place bets on when the tragic loss of insight will occur?


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Kick It The Sink

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Daffodil  |  June 11, 2007 at 2:43 pm

    Ups and downs are normal. It would be very boring if life was one long straight line. Nice to read a positive post.

  • 2. experimental chimp  |  June 11, 2007 at 3:12 pm

    Daffodil: Ups and downs are normal, this is true. However:

    I suspect myself to be somewhere on the bipolar spectrum. Lack of sleep is a common trigger for hypomanic/manic episodes for bipolar people and I’m currently going through treatment for a sleep disorder that involves getting poor-quality and insufficient amounts of sleep.

    I suspect I was slowly coming out of my depression anyway, but flipping around to this level of confidence in life and elevated energy levels in such a short time suggests there might be something more than life’s normal ups and downs in play. I’m enjoying it for now and am actually getting productive stuff done, but I need to remind myself to keep an eye on whether I’m just feeling good or have actually gone mental. The trouble with going mental being, of course, that it’s hard to realise you have when you are. Hence the reminding myself, so I can panic appropriately if I start making elaborate plans to move to France and live the life of a 1930s emigre, rather than booking a flight and buying an antique Rand typewriter from eBay.

  • 3. Cinthia  |  June 12, 2007 at 5:35 pm

    Wow, I can totally relate as I’m going through the very same thing! I’m hardly sleeping these days and for some bizarre reason I don’t feel exhausted like I used to. It’s so weird to have so much energy when once upon a time all I could do was eat, sleep and pop random pills. I don’t know how long this new phase is going to last, but I’m doing my darn best I can to enjoy it! I hope you can, too. Who’s to say this can’t last forever? Cheers!!!

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Hi, I'm James. I'm a 26 year old guy from England with bipolar disorder (currently well controlled). I also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (not so well controlled). This blog has charted my journey from mental illness, through diagnosis and, recently, into recovery. It's not always easy, but then, what is?


Self-righteous note about smoking

As of 12th September 2008 it has been forty five weeks since I quit smoking. So in another seven weeks it'll have been a whole year.

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