Borderline

August 20, 2007 at 1:58 am Leave a comment

When I saw the psychologist a couple of months ago, she decided to refer me for therapy. She actually referred me to two things: An experimental trial of various therapies, including Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Cognitive Analytic Therapy, and for CAT. The trial would be faster, but I might not get in, hence the referral down the standard pathways.

I didn’t pay it too much attention at the time. I’ve just done a search for the trial in question. It’s a trial assessing the use of these therapies in borderline personality disorder. Strangely, I don’t recall the words “borderline personality disorder” being used at the time we were discussing this.

Perhaps this is why my GP isn’t happy with using the word ‘depression’ on my sick notes.

I wonder if perhaps the original psychiatrist I saw came to this conclusion and nobody felt like telling me. This might explain why my GP’s attitude towards me changed so drastically after she read my notes, and also her focus on my infrequent use of codeine. After all, substance abuse is frequently co-morbid in BPD. (The fact that my use/misuse of codeine doesn’t fit the official criteria for Substance Abuse by a long way, notwithstanding.)

I don’t think I have borderline personality disorder. But hey, if I did, then I’d probably say that anyway so my opinion on the matter’s probably worthless. I don’t particularly care what diagnosis is slapped on me, so long as it leads to treatment that helps. For me, and my lousy self-diagnostic ways, this probably means some kind of anti-depressant (depression is my main problem) in combination with a mood stabiliser or anti-psychotic (anti-depressants push me towards scary states of mind).

In four weeks I get re-assessed. Not by a psychiatrist, but by the CMHT. These people get to decide whether I get referred to their psychiatrist. So if they do, maybe I’ll get some of the treatment I want (or any treatment, instead of this gaping vacuum of non-treatment I’m in currently).

It just kind of pisses me off that I have to find out about my diagnosis by a process of induction rather than, you know, being treated with respect.

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Post that probably should have been deleted Ding Dong, The Witch Is Dead…

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Hi, I'm James. I'm a 26 year old guy from England with bipolar disorder (currently well controlled). I also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (not so well controlled). This blog has charted my journey from mental illness, through diagnosis and, recently, into recovery. It's not always easy, but then, what is?

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As of 12th September 2008 it has been forty five weeks since I quit smoking. So in another seven weeks it'll have been a whole year.

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