September 30, 2007 at 10:43 am Leave a comment

Can’t sleep. Damnit. Actually, I couldn’t sleep three hours ago, I think I’ll probably be able to now (of course it’s coming up for 3am/subjective). Since I couldn’t sleep and was bored (Airplane! was enjoyable, by the way) I’ve made a start on another of my tasks, namely “research foods”.

My diet at the moment, and for the last year, has been absolutely awful. Most of my calories come from Pepsi and I tend to have a single meal a day. These are not healthy choices. They’re not even choices, really. I’m a little overweight, though not worryingly so. I’d be amazed if I wasn’t terribly deficient in vitamins and such.

The last time I had anything approaching a healthy (or, indeed, sane) diet was when I lived with my parents. I have no idea what a healthy diet looks like in terms of choosing sensible foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It’s always been so much easier just to grab convenient foods from the closest shop. Pre-packed sandwiches, sausage rolls, that kind of thing. Compounding the problem is the fact that my waking existence doesn’t match up with the rest of the world.

That’s why I’m drawing attention to my own subjective time. I’ve mentioned this before – each day, no matter the time on the clock, starts at 7am/subjective. I’ve actually started setting my watch to that time each day. I have plenty of other clocks I can check for the ‘real’ objective time. If I’m going to start eating proper meals, then it’ll help for me to have a routine. My lunch might end up happening at 5am/objective or midnight/objective or anywhen else, but for me, it’ll always be 1pm/subjective.

I can’t rely on myself to have proper foods available to make into proper meals. My refrigerator is currently empty. Because I’m in the habit of only buying foods on demand, I have no idea what things I need to buy, or when.

And this is what it’s about. I’m designing menus for myself – incredibly simple menus, with foods that will take barely any effort – so that I can plan out a week’s food in advance and know what to buy and what to do with the food once I have it.

I can’t be trusted to do this automatically. If I don’t have something concrete to refer to, then I’ll inevitably slip back into buying unhealthy foods when I need to eat. Not that my planned meals are so very healthy. I’m valuing ease of preparation over healthy, because when I’m horribly depressed there’s no way I’ll be able to put in much more effort than buying a sandwich at the nearest shop. Crisps and chocolate feature. As do doughnuts. But so do fruits and vegetables. I’m keeping it simple because sometimes I find it hard to think. It’s kind of like the smart me, who can make sensible decisions, leading the dumb me who can’t.

Most of this can’t happen until I get the kitchen area of my flat cleared up, but that’ll happen in a while.

And now, sleep.


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More cleaning… Kitchen

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Hi, I'm James. I'm a 26 year old guy from England with bipolar disorder (currently well controlled). I also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (not so well controlled). This blog has charted my journey from mental illness, through diagnosis and, recently, into recovery. It's not always easy, but then, what is?


Self-righteous note about smoking

As of 12th September 2008 it has been forty five weeks since I quit smoking. So in another seven weeks it'll have been a whole year.

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