January 17, 2008 at 3:33 am 2 comments

So, yesterday I showered, washed my hair, put on some clean-ish clothes and ventured out to my first therapy appointment. I wasn’t feeling great and would have preferred to stay in bed and get some sleep, but I went anyway. I’m in one of my hate-the-public moods, so being on public transport wasn’t huge amounts of fun, but I got to it and it turned out to be OK.

My therapist is one of the two psychologists who assessed me. The young and attractive one, as it happens. This isn’t terribly relevant – I’m far too self-absorbed to notice that kind of thing most of the time. We spent most of today’s hour talking about my dad. I’ve been through most of this before, much of it on this very blog, so it wasn’t at all difficult to talk about.

At the end, we went through a little debriefing session where I was asked how I felt about what we’d talked about. So I explained the above. I actually find it hard to imagine how talking about anything would make me feel bad. It’s just words and memories after all. Still, I guess I’ll find out in the weeks to come.


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Two for One Youtube Wednesday Morning Mr. Lovecraft

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. katm  |  January 17, 2008 at 10:30 am

    I actually find it hard to imagine how talking about anything would make me feel bad. It’s just words and memories after all.

    Ugh… it’s very true they’re just words. But you can really feel like shit after an hour of those words. I hope that you’ll never have that experience. I know I barely made it to the bathroom in the office building a few times before puking my guts up. Many times I came home and just crashed. Emotional exhaustion might just be worse than physical exhaustion.

  • 2. Gabriel...  |  January 19, 2008 at 1:48 am

    I think your first mistake was washing… but that’s probably just my hangup. I ended up talking about my father with the doctor today as well. After I wrote the “daddy where art thou” post on my blog it hit me I have no idea if my mother ever saw bits and pieces of him in me in the things I did while growing up.

    Maybe when you talk to whomever next time it might be more helpful to your brain to talk about stuff you haven’t written about? Search your brain for something new, kind of change up the standard blah blah… I do the same “I’ve said this a thousand times” thing when I’m seeing someone New, it’s like I have speaking points in bullet form from all the blah blah I’ve done on paper and to girls I was trying to bed…

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Hi, I'm James. I'm a 26 year old guy from England with bipolar disorder (currently well controlled). I also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (not so well controlled). This blog has charted my journey from mental illness, through diagnosis and, recently, into recovery. It's not always easy, but then, what is?


Self-righteous note about smoking

As of 12th September 2008 it has been forty five weeks since I quit smoking. So in another seven weeks it'll have been a whole year.

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