Sugar, Self-harm, Suicide

February 6, 2008 at 11:20 pm 2 comments

So over the last couple of days I’ve switched myself away from the evil sugar-laden cola beverages and back to tea and coffee again. It doesn’t take too long for me to adapt to not having sugar available on an as-needed basis, but it definitely screws with my moods while I’m doing it. On the plus side, I’m getting a metric fuckload of foodstuffs tomorrow and maybe I’ll even be back to proper meals by the end of the weekend. On the minus side, the lack of sugar probably contributed to a quick and quiet episode of self-injury yesterday. Which sounds kind of pathetic, but then again, self-injury is kind of pathetic anyway.

Actually, the episode of self-injury is part of the ongoing feeling-like-shit of the last couple of weeks, which has mixed an unexpected level of functionality with some fairly strong suicidal ideation. So, things have been all kinds of fun. Hell, I almost called the Samaritans the other day. Normally when I’m suicidal, I’m way too exhausted to do anything more dangerous than googling for information about knots and how to estimate rope-strengths. Currently I have enough energy to actually do stuff, which is slightly more concerning.

But I’m fairly practiced in not killing myself, so it’s not time to worry yet. And hey, I’m seeing a therapist every week, so it’s not like I have no support. Although I didn’t tell her about my self-injury, and told her I was maybe a little down. But hey, at least I see her on a regular basis.

I don’t know, things just suck. My ability to cope with this shit might be better than it has been for a while, but that doesn’t mean that things aren’t sucking more as well.

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Vegetarian, pescetarian, whatever… Puma – Until I’m Repulsed

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Gabriel...  |  February 7, 2008 at 9:28 am

    Do you think the downward arc over the past few weeks might have something to do with… I don’t know, the Dark that is British winters? Sugar isn’t that big a deal unless you’re trying to lose weight, or are worried about gaining weight. It’s the caffeine you might want to drop… I write this in full awareness I consume about a Litre of Diet Pepsi (full of caffeine, no sugar) per day.

  • 2. experimental chimp  |  February 7, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    It’s not so much sugar or not-sugar as the way I consume it. Drinking cola beverages means I have a constant source of sugar any time I want it. This disappears when I give the sugary beverages up, which presumably leads to a sudden drop in blood-sugar levels. Which leads to feeling crappy. It’ll get better in a couple of days.

    I’ve never really noticed a connection between season and mood for me, so I think it’s just standard mood-variation.

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Hi, I'm James. I'm a 26 year old guy from England with bipolar disorder (currently well controlled). I also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (not so well controlled). This blog has charted my journey from mental illness, through diagnosis and, recently, into recovery. It's not always easy, but then, what is?

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As of 12th September 2008 it has been forty five weeks since I quit smoking. So in another seven weeks it'll have been a whole year.

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