February 24, 2008 at 7:46 pm 2 comments

So I’ve spent the last day or two without internet. My connection went a bit dodgy on Friday night. I watched a film and went to bed. Because my sleep pattern is currently even-more-fucked than normal, I ended up sleeping 16 hours, having some faintly disturbing dreams that heavily featured my ex, and eventually woke up about 10pm Saturday evening. My internet connection was still down.

So I logged onto my old dial-up account, (since I downgraded it’s pay-per-minute). I checked my email and found one from my ISP sent at 6pm Friday, advising me that from midnight Friday or thereabouts, they’d be carrying out maintainence and my connection would be subject to interruptions until 8am Sunday. Given the six hour warning, I assume something has exploded at the local exchange or their sever farm. There were some serious gales not long before the message was sent out, so at a guess, I’d say it’s likely that tree hit powerline or something similar.

So, I patiently waited until 8am this morning, and tried to reconnect to the internet. It didn’t work. And this sucked, because I’ve been feeling horribly edgy over the last few days (possibly as a result of my fucked sleep patterns) and have been wanting to self-injure on and off for the last couple of weeks. I use the internet a lot as a way of distracting myself from this kind of shit. Cutting because I can’t get online is a bit too pathetic even for me. But it was tempting.

Anyway, I called technical support at 6PM and found out that the downtime had run over to 11am. I had to physically reset my router, which had, for reasons unknown, decided to forget how to connect. I’d already power-cycled the bloody thing as well as a few soft-resets.

It’s good to be back online. It makes me feel less isolated, I guess, even when I’m not actually using it. Given that I haven’t been outside since Wednesday morning, isolated is probably the right word. At least needing to buy cigarettes used to get me out of the house every now and then. I’m glad I don’t have to spend money on them any more, but still, it at least forced me to interact with another human being, if only for a few seconds.


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No words… Fruit Taste/Easiness Graph

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Margaret  |  February 24, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    What, no sunlight since Wednesday? How do you manage? My computer’s in the cellar and even an hour down then makes me begin to wilt. Hope you get out soon :). Go and buy a newspaper and a cup of coffee … That would be my idea of heaven.

  • 2. experimental chimp  |  February 24, 2008 at 9:30 pm

    There’s a limited amount of sunlight outside anyway, but I’m at least opening my curtains during daylight hours (when I’m awake to do so at least), which is something I tend to neglect when I’m down. So I’m probably getting more sunlight than usual.

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Hi, I'm James. I'm a 26 year old guy from England with bipolar disorder (currently well controlled). I also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (not so well controlled). This blog has charted my journey from mental illness, through diagnosis and, recently, into recovery. It's not always easy, but then, what is?


Self-righteous note about smoking

As of 12th September 2008 it has been forty five weeks since I quit smoking. So in another seven weeks it'll have been a whole year.

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