Falling Asleep on the Bus
Going to therapy was awful today. The session itself was fine – it was the journey there and back that was hell.
I got about three hours sleep, missed my alarm and ended up with about ten minutes to get dressed and get to the bus-stop. I managed this (I’ve had plenty of practice ) and got there just before my bus arrived. The bus was pretty full, so I grabbed a seat facing towards the back of the bus, opposite two women. I felt so tired that it was difficult to stay awake, and falling asleep and maybe off my seat in front of two random people didn’t sound like a great plan.
The bus clears out once it gets to the city centre, so I got a seat towards the back of the bus. I was listening to my mp3 player, turned up to full volume. And even so, I couldn’t stay awake. I’d fall asleep, then jerk back to reality a few seconds later. The bus ride was like a series of time-lapse photographs, every one a few more metres down the road. As I got close to my stop, I started feeling incredibly nauseous. I get motion sick, although much less now than when I was a kid. Not being able to see the motion of the bus makes it a hundred times worse. I was genuinely afraid I was going to be sick, though since I hadn’t eaten for hours, there probably wasn’t anything for me to be sick with.
I managed to get off the bus and was feeling slighly more conscious by the time my therapist called me into her room.
I babbled for a while before we settled into a more normal kind of conversation. The ongoing conversation gave me a thread to hang onto and I managed to keep myself awake. Once we were done, I left the health centre and immediately started shivering. I don’t think it was especially cold, I think my ability to thermoregulate had glitched out from the tiredness.
The ride back home was even worse. It’s scary to be falling asleep in a public place. I was holding my head up with my hand, so every time I fell asleep I’d slip and wake up. I was worried that I’d miss my stop. I didn’t, though. Once back home I went back to bed and slept the rest of the day.
And I used to feel like this all the time.