AGH! WASP!?

May 22, 2008 at 6:55 pm 5 comments

Fuck. There appear to be one or two wasps or bees flying past my window every now and then. They (or it) seems to have made a home in a small hole in the wall a few feet above this flat (also to one side). I think they’re bees (in which case they’re almost certainly masonry bees and don’t really need any attention) but they could be wasps, in which case my brain will fuse into one solid mass of irrational fear.

They look too chunky to be wasps, although I haven’t really had a chance to examine them. And their home is a tiny hole in the side of the wall. Masonry bees live in very small colonies like this. Wasps normally make their homes under the eaves if they’re going to invade at all, but I guess it’s not completely out of the question for them to find their way inside walls.

The difference is, of course, if they’re masonry bees then there might end up being twenty of them. If they’re wasps, there could end up being a thousand. The other difference is that bees don’t scare me, whereas wasps instantly trigger my OH FUCK reflex. I don’t know why. They just freak me out completely. If I’m standing outside and one’s flying somewhere near me, I can just about manage not to run away if I know exactly where it is at all times. My first reaction to being in the same room as a wasp is to leave the room. In the past I’ve gone from lying down on my bed to leaping towards the door in a fraction of a second.

This isn’t a huge phobia. I can look at photos of them without freaking out, although the Asian giant hornet is a bit worrying. Although I run away, I can force myself to return armed with a magazine to swat the damn things with. And I can dispose of the many crushed pieces of their bodies once I’ve killed them.

But it’s still a phobia. It’s completely irrational. And the worst sound in the world is the sound a wasp buzzing. Right. In. Your. Ear. I’m not scared of being stung. I’ll happily, calmly and gently escort a bee out of a window with a piece of paper. I’m scared of being stung by wasps. The whole idea fills me with disgust. A bee sting is just a bee sting, but the idea of having the poison from a wasp injected into my body by their sting makes me feel sick.

I’m an atheist, but wasps almost make me believe in a supreme evil out there somewhere, trying to corrupt all that is good and pure. What other explanation can there be for something so obviously dredged from the fetid depths of the Stygian pit of malice?

Which is why I’m trying to work out whether they’re bees or wasps. I need to know whether I should gibber or not. Also, whether I can open my windows.

I’ll keep an eye on the situation (I don’t have a whole lot of choice. OH GOD THERE’S SOMETHING FLYING IN FRONT OF THE… oh wait, it’s just a bird in the distance.) If they turn out to be wasps and a lot more of them turn up then I’ll have to go tell the guy upstairsm whose wall they seem to be burrowing into. I’ll probably say I’m allergic to wasp stings – it’s not as pathetic as being desperately afraid of them. Plus, if there’s more, I won’t have to feel like an idiot while we wait half an hour for one to emerge from its nest.

Update: I’ve been reading more about masonry bees and I’m reasonably sure that the buzzing thing in the wall is one of them and not one of the cursed enemy. So my windows are open again, but only half-way until I’m absolutely certain.

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5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. jelover9  |  May 23, 2008 at 12:22 pm

    Holy fuck! Why would someone take a close-up pic of those things? I have never seen an Asian giant hornet, and don’t plan too. Ugh. The most dangerous bees in my yard are honeybees. ^_^ Big, fat lazy things.

  • 2. adifferentvoice  |  May 23, 2008 at 5:48 pm

    I’ve never quite worked out if you ever read my blog (no reason why you should …) but if not, perhaps you might like to read my wasp horror story:

    http://adifferentvoice.wordpress.com/2007/11/14/the-wasp-factory/

    I think I do believe in God, but I think he was having an aberration when he invented them. They are gross and, as far as I can see, useless.

    We have a hornets’s nest in the garden too. Only good thing is they are SO big and SO noisy that there is no chance you’ll come across one by accident.

    Courage!

  • 3. experimental chimp  |  May 23, 2008 at 7:30 pm

    jelover9 – They’re definitely disturbing insects. I have no doubt at all that if I saw one in real life I’d be screaming like a little girl.

    adifferentvoice: I didn’t know you had a blog. I’ve added it to my feeds now. Hornets are scarier than wasps, but apparently they’re much less aggressive and prefer to fly away rather than sting. Then again, even knowing this, this picture is like something out a nightmare.

  • 4. adifferentvoice  |  May 23, 2008 at 9:17 pm

    What’s wrong with screaming like a little girl, even if you aren’t one? Thanks for the nightmare. You have remarkably little curiousity.

  • 5. Hallo Spacewasp « Experimental Chimp  |  September 13, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    […] 13, 2008 I seem to be able to deal with my wasp phobia better these days. Back in May I was still pretty freaked out by them, although in June a hornet didn’t have much effect. A […]

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Hi, I'm James. I'm a 26 year old guy from England with bipolar disorder (currently well controlled). I also have a circadian rhythm sleep disorder (not so well controlled). This blog has charted my journey from mental illness, through diagnosis and, recently, into recovery. It's not always easy, but then, what is?

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