Melatonin / infertility / cake

So the melatonin is still working. If I’m up late I’ll set my alarm to wake up at a reasonable time, but I find that mostly I wake up before it goes off. I’ve been having vivid dreams this last week, which have turned into mild nightmares these last couple of days – not exactly terrifying, but I don’t think I’ve had any nightmares since I was a kid, so it’s been kind of surprising. I’d tolerate much worse dreams in exchange for proper sleep patterns. They’ll probably go away anyway.

In other news, I’ll be having a sperm test in the near future, which should sort out whether or not I’m infertile. The three blood tests pretty much confirm that I have an isolated FSH deficiency, and since the rest of my pituitary function is absolutely fine, it means that I almost certainly have one of the rare genetic mutations that can cause this. All in all, I think I’d have preferred claws that spring right out of the back of my hands (“snikt”). The ability not to impregnate women you sleep with is just about the lamest super-power ever.

I’m going back to work in just over a week, which is pretty exciting. I made the calls to inform the benefits agency and the council of my change in circumstances, which felt like a big step. I’m looking forward to it. It feels like a fresh start and a second chance.

(Also this is genius. Made mine with cinnamon rather than chocolate and wholemeal flour rather than cake flour, so it was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike cake. But it was pretty damn tasty, especially since I don’t have an oven in which to cook proper cake. )

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