Suicidal?

So you’re considering suicide? Been there, done that, got the blood-stained t-shirt. I get a lot of people here who’ve searched for things like “easiest way to die” or “how to overdose” or “how to slit your wrists”. I talk about wanting to die and figuring out what my medication would do in overdose. I had to get my wrist repaired after I cut through a tendon (the palmaris longus if you’re wondering) trying to slash open the artery.

But I won’t tell you how to do that kind of stuff. (To answer a few of the things people seem to want to know: Slitting your wrists is difficult. Hell, I’ve been cutting myself for the last decade or so and I couldn’t get the artery. It does hurt. Even if you get the artery, it’s unlikely to kill you. The wrist contains lots of delicate stuff – nerves and tendons – that you will fuck up, risking losing function in the hand. Overdoses are rarely quiet and peaceful, and often messy, painful and undignified. There is no easy way to die.)

But I’m not here to tell you not to kill yourself. I might end up making that decision at some point and it’d be pretty hypocritical of me to lecture you. Life can really suck sometimes. And I think that sometimes life can suck enough that suicide is a sensible choice.

But that’s probably not the case with you. There’s good reasons for killing yourself, but it’s pretty fucking unlikely that you have one. I’m sure you think you do – nobody kills themself on a whim. The couple of times I tried to kill myself I had great reasons. All the times since that I’ve been close to doing it, my reasons have been rock solid. Except after the feeling faded, the reasons didn’t seem so good. Chances are you’re depressed. Depression messes with the way you think. It certainly messes with the way I think sometimes.

Any way that you look at it, death’s a serious step to take. And it’s one that should be considered on a clear head. So if you’re here because you want to kill yourself right now, you’re – by definition – not in any fit state to make that decision at the moment. You already know that there’s people you can call. I’m in the UK, so the one I’ve called is called The Samaritans. They’re nice people and it helps. You can find their number and your local equivalent via Suicide: Read This First.

Good luck anyway. I’m sorry you’re here.

22 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Cairo  |  March 5, 2007 at 8:10 pm

    Best webpage about suicide I’ve met so far. And I’ve been searching, believe me. The “how to ” information, mainly. No “luck” so far. Anyway, suicidal thoughts come to me everyday, sometimes becoming quite burdensome, so once in a while I get to thinking about the practical aspects of the matter. I just wouldn`t like to leave a mess behind me, AND hurt some people badly…By the way, the rest of your blog is…should I say “great”? Being as it is about not-the sunniest-side-of-life. I was re-directed to it ( Fun With Diagnoses, no. 2: Schizoid Personality Disorder ) from my Schizoid Yahoo group. I am a self-diagnosed schizoid. When I first read about this personality “disorder,” which I did while searching for a different kind of information, it felt weird-funny, like being told there’s this strange mental condition named after you. Your very own name. I laughed, really. A real, hearty laugh. Every thing on that list of “symptoms” was like the title to a chapter in the book of my life. I guess mental health professionals will
    ( should ) drop the “disorder” tag eventually…oh, got to go now…bye
    CAIRO

  • 2. beinghannah  |  July 8, 2007 at 11:04 am

    Thats good sensibe advice for would be suicides, i too have felt suicidal, but i feel its a loneliness like an existential alienation, and that if you feel your important to just one other person on the planet, it helps. Feeling part of something helps if your suicidal, feeling someone cares too is very important. Dont be a Kurt Cobainesque type” dont join the silly club” . He probably felt unloved and in pain and decided to end it. Nothing stays the same in life, everthing is constantly changing, thats the good thing, so Suiciday feelings wont always be there. Talk to someone, give someone a hug, ask for a hug. Hannah

  • 3. Annie Mouse  |  August 24, 2007 at 5:37 pm

    I attempted suicide 13 years ago. Between then and about 6 years ago I fluctuated between wishing I would die or not wake up, and living life not caring if I did. Between six years ago and sometime this year, I enjoyed life mostly but didn’t care if I ended up dying (this attitude I think influenced more risk taking behavior.) I realized recently that I would be really annoyed if I woke up dead, er well didn’t wake up, or died generally. To me, that is progress. It is a really different feeling to want to be alive and live life than to be indifferent to it, or hate being here. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel bad sometimes, I do, and I take it as a signal that I need to change what I’m doing, or realize that it is in response to something that has changed and things won’t always feel that way, and that it takes time, like everything else.
    I think your post is great.

  • 4. Bryan  |  September 1, 2007 at 4:26 am

    That’s some very good solid open minded advice. I hope for your sake that the medical community works out for you because the other side of the coin would really suck to have someone like you with your insight to things make such an act of solidarity come to fruition.

    I know the horrors of battling suicidal ideations and attempts and I know the scars that I have left on those in my life has made it hard on them at times and it takes time to get through the mess every time that I go through one of my spells. It’s not a pleasant thing to have to live through on either end of the spectrum. You have to really weigh the pros and cons when you make such a decision like that.

    Your site is a really cool place to stop by and I thank you for your candor. It really gives a good insight into the way that we should all look at things at times.

  • 5. experimental chimp  |  September 2, 2007 at 3:53 am

    Thanks Bryan.

  • 6. Stephen  |  September 12, 2007 at 4:15 pm

    Sometimes people who summer from depression, self-medication, etc. etc. can be alieviate their symptoms by finding their higher purpose in life.

    Seeing auras is a clue. It’s not something to be cured, like the medical community thinks.

    Being spiritual, learning to meditate, learning about God (in a way not influenced by religion) provides the cure. I recommend Higher Balance.

    I wish you luck on your journey.

  • 7. Max Powers  |  October 19, 2007 at 4:23 am

    Interesting side note goggling “how to slit your wrists,” will come up with a lot of porno sites…

  • 8. Stephen (not the one above)  |  October 21, 2007 at 11:27 pm

    Thankyou. Thankyou for reminding me I’m not the only one. You write with honesty and humour, It was fun (and I only stumbled across it looking for articles disparaging the daily mail)

  • 9. A  |  August 18, 2008 at 9:20 am

    “Except after the feeling faded, the reasons didn’t seem so good. Chances are you’re depressed. Depression messes with the way you think. It certainly messes with the way I think sometimes.”

    True, I am depressed (clinically/chronically/currently). But the world is an awful place and you’re crazy to stick around. Happiness is reserved for heirs and heiresses and a few other people without brain dysfunction, so I’m out of the game here. Honestly, I can’t even try for a bearable life; the effort to begin trying requires more motivation than I can muster.

    Thanks for your words and good luck to you, regardless.

  • 10. Dan  |  November 27, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    Good blog, Thanksgiving day, all alone, noone to be with. I brought this on myself, Not really sure why, and i dont have the motivation to change either. I have bad teeth, will not go to the dentist, Ive got a gun, cant pull the trigger. Dont think i ever will, but do think that would be my best option. All depressed suicidal people should get together and have a party. Be a good support group imho…The depressed suicidal group of America DSGA…Hmmm…Maybe i wll start a local chapter.

  • 11. Fucked Up  |  June 12, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    If ya wanna talk to people about suicide, try ASH (alt.suicide.holiday) and ASM (alt.suicide.methods) on Google Groups,

    Just Google it….

  • 12. X  |  August 11, 2009 at 12:34 am

    I got here googling “easy suicide”. I had a failed overdose about a month ago… took a cocktail of sleeping pills/pain pills/anti-nauseau/anti-anxieties/anti-depressants…. .. I thought I was finally “brave enough”…finally had the guts to leave this life behind….didn’t tell a soul what I wanted to do…didn’t want to leave anyone with the guilt that they didn’t help. Unfortunately I woke up to a neighbor shaking me awake…and then paramedics wheeling me off… my sister had a “bad feeling” and insisted on calling ex to have a neighbor check on me… woke up in the ER…so fucking pissed! I finally had the fucking courage to end it….and they took it away from me. So here I am googling what’s the best cocktail to try next? I don’t want to fail again…and too afraid to use a gun… I thought of buying one the other day…so I could point it at a cop…let him do it for me… I’m a 31 year old female and have wanted to die since I was 9. I don’t know how to live here. I don’t know where to go for help. I agreed to spend a week in an institution… but that didn’t help either. I don’t know what to do… i wish I was brave again. Everyone thinks I”m smart and pretty… but I feel worthless…especially in this society that seems so cold & uncaring…. I feel so alone.. yet I can’t stand being around people who don’t understand.. can’t stand the look on my family’s faces… the constant calling to ask me how I”m doing… I want to leave.. I want to die… that’s how I”m fucking doing….I try so hard to feel better… I try so hard. btw.. the first available psychiatrist appt I was able to schedule was two fucking months after i got out of the institution…. called 6 pages of mental health specialists from my PPO list…. good fucking luck everyone says… I have 21 more days till my first appt…. wish me luck, eh?

  • 13. Tony  |  December 30, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    How long do you stay in hospital for?

  • 14. denise  |  February 27, 2010 at 2:23 am

    i took overdose of pain killers and anti depressants and survived that was 3 years ago
    since then i just exist…..
    i lost my belief in any god and religion is messed up …that has effect on me its like if god doesnt exist..whats the point?
    we live in a world of pain and misery millions struggle to survive everyday that makes me feel spoilt and ungratfull….
    but i ask myself what is ther to look forward to?? im 31 single white female no kids and nobody interested in me…not even interested in myself…
    and i cant stand being alone!!! always had somebody but dont now since i broke down so to speak not even a friend.
    but my life on this planet will not be remembered im not famous im not rich or beautifull and i prob wont find a cure for cancer…so i do think im selfish for being the way i am and that just makes me hate myself more …i feel useless unwanted unloved pointless but ii wont make another attempt as my experience lost me respect of friends and family and most importantly respect for myself…as it was me who hurt me
    what will become of me??? i dont know!! ill prob have a severe second nervous breakdown again and be beyond recovery with the life events facing me that we all have to face…….how can i feel so alone in a world filled with people? i lost myself my innerness …..i exist!!! im human…without hope…

  • 15. Pineapples  |  September 24, 2010 at 1:52 am

    I just wanted to say that I think your blog and indeed this section on suicide are very eloquent and thought provoking.

    I too have experience the darker side of life and battle bipolar and sleeping problems and its great (not really the correct term, perhaps reassuring) to know that you have put such thought into talking about these issues.

    I have attempted suicide twice, the second time on my 21st birthday. (Nearly 4 yrs ago now, I tend to see it like I’m a recovering alcoholic, the thoughts are still there sometimes but it doesn’t mean I have to do anything about them) I work hard to monitor my moods etc and even spent a spell as a Samaritan whilst I was unemployed. It truly was a wonderful experience.

    I hope that someone coming across your blog gains some support from it as it does help to know that you are not the only person in the world that has feelings like these.

    I hope that you are well and your meds are working for you etc…

    xxx

  • 16. barbara  |  October 9, 2010 at 12:38 am

    i’ve been thinking about killing myself a lot lately. i can’t trust my “helping professionals” anymore because i carry a “borderline” diagnosis, which only makes me feel more hopeless and hated….i know suicide’s messy, but it seems to me like i’d be doing a lot of people a favor.

  • […] you ever attempted suicide? More than once? More than twice? How about three times? And failed? –Insert another FAIL tag […]

  • […] you ever attempted suicide? More than once? More than twice? How about three times? And failed? –Insert another FAIL tag […]

  • 19. WorriedMrsBigPants  |  March 7, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    How are you doing now? I hope you are ok. Yes I am considering suicide. There is nobody left in my life that really cares. There seems little point to suffering any longer

  • 20. Sue  |  March 9, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Hi worriedmrsbigpants. You ok? I feel exactly the same but my kids stop me…….. Want to talk about it?

  • 21. WTF2012  |  June 3, 2012 at 12:44 am

    This is a good blog. Now that I have actually read the words that are going through my mind on this site, I have to ask is this all I’m good at? Being suicidal? I know what brought me here. I hate failing. I have tried to make a career change and it has caused so many financial problems and anxieties in my life, I just feel like a loser. I just think even if I get a job again, something or someone is going to make it difficult for me and I”m going to end up back at home worse off. I’m pissed off that I can’t pass a dumb test and do what I want to do. I’m not that smart apparently. I”m just tired of failing. I don’t know what to do anymore. Do you know how maddening it is to sit in a quiet room taking a test and my GI track goes haywire on me because my brain is sending signals to my stomach. It is so loud I lose my focus. I took anxiety medication for it and it hasn’t fixed the problem. I took an anti-depressant and it worsened the stomach problem. Today, I got the lowest score of my life. It just gets worse and worse. Drugs, alcohol, friends, and therapy doesn’t work. I am beyond a nervous breakdown. I’ve tried everything under the sun. My body has gone haywire on me. I have other body issues I can’t explain. I can’t control it. No doctor or drug is going to make it normal again.

  • 22. Truthful Nacho  |  January 8, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    I mostly stay alive out of spite for my enemies. They would be way happy if I kicked it. If it weren’t for them, I probably would have ODed with flying greyscale. Then again, if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be depressed. Depression is not natural. The explanation doesn’t end w chemical imbalance. It’s caused by real stuff like being abused. Or if you’ve got some sense of entitlement and you don’t get everything you think life promised you. Know this guy who “tried to hang himself” but it sounds to me like he just wanted that story to make it to the giro who ditched him (and his neckbeard).

    Life under the ruling class is hell for working class. Life in the patriarchy is a compound hell for women. It sucks.

    I also stay alive for my little old cat.

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